mince

Pie 117: The Carluke Rovers Pie

Posted on Updated on

My apologies to the good folk at Carluke Rovers, I should have done this two weeks ago but as my fellow supporters of junior football know at this time of the season free time comes with an even greater premium as clubs play 2,3 or even 4 games a week! It can be a bit of a slog for players, managers and supporters alike as you jump from town to town in the mad dash to get the season wrapped up before the summer really comes. Whilst arguments cold be made about summer football and artificial pitched in truth the junior calendar doesn’t really help itself to begin with as cup after cup are played until even wee Jimmy the groundskeeper has won a trophy too.

In some way’s I understand it; the Sectional League Cup give fans guaranteed derbies whilst bigger clubs get to boost the coffers of their less fortunate neighbours every second season whilst the Central League Cup at the end of the season gives teams with not much to play for some meaningful fixtures to get their teeth into. At the same time though what is the need for a cup where the exact same participants take part in it twice, all be it with slightly altered formats. I’m coming at this from a Glasgow based perspective but I know that the same problem abides both west and east of the place I call home. As you may have gathered by now I’m not one to turn down a game of football but even I, as an individual who breaks out in a cold sweat at the thought of a Saturday afternoon in Homebase, think something needs to be done to jazz up these perceived ‘diddy’ cups.

With all that being said, and to stick to my wholly contrary roots, today’s pie review comes from one of them and the Central League Cup 2nd Round, so without much further ado let’s rate some pie!

THE SURROUNDINGS

Where: The John Cumming Stadium, Carluke Rovers 0-3 Pollok, Central League Cup 2nd Round

20160430_135207.jpg

Price: At £1.20 this pie was bang on message with the rest of junior football as a whole although it would be fair to say that it was perhaps a littler more expensive when compared to some of their previously visited divisional rivals.

Presentation: Medium sized white napkin that was bigger than the circumference of the pastry that sat on it. It’s all you need really.

THE PIE

Meaty!
Meaty!

Meatiness: This was a substantially sized meat filled treat with coarsely ground mutton populating nearly every cavity of its pastry tomb. The meat was well-flavoured and if ever I was to describe mince as succulent this would be it. That said, with succulency (pretty sure I’ve just made up a word) comes grease and in this case the dreaded drip test very nearly put paid to a new pair of trainers. Luckily my time spent in St. Petersburg as Galloping Horse #2 in the Russian National Ballet production of Calamity Jane meant I tip toed my way around the fatty splashes trouble free. Grease never harms the flavour unless it’s excessive but it does make eating it that little bit more treacherous.

Pastry: The pastry was well-baked and sturdy enough to support this fairly moist pie. There was a little rim of boil out on the top but the base was near perfect in its cooking. To be honest not a lot to say here as it was a solid, if unspectacular, effort all round.

Brown Sauce: The bottle had all the hallmarks of being found in a popular high street frozen food chain, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t good though. Zingy, spicy and fruity like a good brown sauce should be.

Overall: Nice flavoursome meat, solid pastry and a decent brown sauce makes this a good effort. A little less grease and you’re on to a winner.

Gravy Factor: Moist.

This is the first of an unintended double-header from Carluke as their Chicken Curry Pie gets ready to go under the Piecroscope.

So until next time, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink and The FBA’s as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ with a passion for food that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

Pie 116: The Jeanfield Swifts Steak & Gravy Pie

Posted on

Hello pie fans. You hardy bunch of pastry connoisseurs and all around good eggs welcome to another rip-roaring edition of Meat Filled Pastries as we start to wind down towards the season end. You know what’s mental? It’s April and fixtures in the Junior calendar are still being wiped out by wind, rain, snow and abandoned tractors! You heard me right, if rumours are to believed along with the waterlogged pitch a tractor had found itself stranded on Hurlford United’s Blair Park pitch. I’ve yet to see any factual evidence to support this rationale for calling off a game a full day in advance but as a reasons go it’s pretty spectacular.

With that call off though I found myself with an unexpected fixture headache. Luckily at this time of year an important game is never too far away although the fact that I ended up in Perth an hour and a half away from where my journey started would suggest something to the contrary. Yes it was a crucial promotion clash in the battle to reach the East Region Supoerleague but the true siren song for this match was the two participants.

Jeanfield Swifts and Dundonald Bluebell.

I mean doesn’t it just sound like the kind of game that Thomas, Annie & Clarabell would chug by whilst wandering about the branch line on the Island of Sodor? The guard waving his flag from his brake van as a penalty goes skywards, the ball landing on Thomas’ funnel resting for only a second before he wheeshes it away in a puff of smoke and steam. The ball rolling into the opposing net as Tommy disappears into the distance giving it the maximum Alan Shearer finger point salute as he goes peep-peep-peep! No?..Just me?..I haven’t taken this too far have I?..

Oh, I have?..ehm OK, you’re probably right so without much further ado, and with that image of a chugging Thomas the Tank Engine in your head (don’t lie, you all went there), let’s rate some pie!

THE SURROUNDINGS

Where: Riverside Park, Jeanfield Swifts 2-2 Dundonald Bluebell, East of Scotland Premier League

20160409_142941.jpg

Price: In an unexpected turn of events you couldn’t purchase a scotch pie. Instead you were left with the option of a mince round (that was huge) or a Steak and Gravy Pie (also very substantial). In the end I went fancy and plumped for steak parting with £1.80 for it’s meaty pleasure.

Presentation: Unusually no silver foil container instead just a medium-sized white napkin big enough to protect the hand from scalding.

THE PIE

20160409_142615.jpg

Meatiness: A generous cascade of meat and gravy came washing down my gullet as I took my first bite into this toasty treat. There was buckets of tender steak here cut up in to mouth friendly bite size pieces. The meat wrapped in a gravy of a consistency that allowed it to ooze  just a little without gushing all over your chin. It was absolutely boiling but it was also very tasty, the heat meaning I could savour every morsel over what felt like hours.

Pastry: Crisp and golden multi-layered puff pastry top. Just the right amount to stay crisp on top but have some soggy gravy tinged layers underneath. The sides were a little broken and perhaps slightly thicker than I was used to but in all honesty had zero detriment to the overall piey flavour.

Brown Sauce: Do we put brown sauce on luxury pies down at MFP HQ. No we do not. Moving on.

Overall: Generously sized with tender meat, unctuous gravy and a well layered puff pastry, the only slight flaw being a crack in one of the pastry walls. Overall though, delightful.

Gravy Factor: A tasty everlasting gobstopper of a pie. (Seriously I’m surprised I’m not still eating it!).

Once again I go into the unknown as with a stacked fixture card and familiar foes on the pierizon my next pie based report may be a while, but fear not as there will be one and lo, it will be good.

Until next time, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink and The FBA’s as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ with a passion for food that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

Pie 109: The Benburb Pie

Posted on

I know. I failed in my aim of getting four reviews completed in a week. What can I say? Life, and turning 30 got in the way. Well that and the annual judging day at the World Scotch Pie Championships. This year I was let loose on the hot savoury section a veritable smorgasbord of pastries of all kinds, shapes and sizes. Whilst I was slightly disappointed not to be sticking to my football based roots it did ensure that my taste buds were taken to some glorious new places, both good and bad.

Confidentiality prevents me going into any further detail just now but after some fairly heated debate I’m quite happy with our hot savoury champion and hopefully you agree when the winners are revealed on the 13th January 2016. But for now it’s back to those aforementioned roots and to where it all started with a Scottish Junior football scotch pie from Benburb based in Govan a short walk from Iborx the home of one of Scotland’s biggest clubs Rangers. (I’ll leave it to you to debate if you believe they are the biggest or not, no time for that kind of chat here).

So without much further ado, let’s rate some pie!

THE SURROUNDINGS

Where: New Tinto Park, Benburb 3-3 Scone Thistle (Scone won 4-3 on penalties) Scottish Junior Cup 2nd Round Replay

Having to replace the steep banks of 'Old' Tinto Park' is no mean feat in this new all weather era.
Having to replace the steep banks of ‘Old’ Tinto Park’ is no mean feat in this new all weather era.

Price: At £1.50 there’s no shame in admitting that I was a little taken aback by the price of this pastry. Sure it’s nowhere near the high £2 figures found at the top of the Scottish game but it is also a good sight more expensive than the litany of pound priced pies found throughout the junior game. It’s not a grumble, and I was still more than happy to pay it, but just a mere an observation.

Presentation: Free from the shackles of a tin foil cases this pie was presented on a couple of sheets of plain white kitchen roll.

THE PIE

Was it worth the wait?
Was it worth the wait?

Meatiness: This was a squat little pie that had a nice filling but that didn’t really blow me away. The meat was well seasoned and proportional when compared with the volume of the pastry but I felt it lacked some zing. Usually I have a fair bit to sat about a pie filling but my lack of words here should not be construed as a lack of care but more a feeling of ‘meh’. It was nice just not very memorable.

Pastry: The Pastry was golden around the sides, if a little blackened on top whilst being very well fired on the bottom, this juxtaposed with a strangely chewy top, almost perogi-like in texture, made for strange and sometimes awkward eating experience with my pie juggling skills out in full force.

Brown Sauce: Once a request was made, as initially there was no sauces of any kind on display, a bottle of HP was forthcoming.

Overall: A little pricey, but a perfectly serviceable pie.

Gravy Factor: Have to give this a gravy factor of Bog Standard Bisto.

Maybe I’ve been a little harsh on this pie with it having the misfortune of being the first pastry to be reviewed since judging day but at the end of the day it was still a tasty footballing treat. Better than any cheeseburger, chips or roll and sausage you can put before me on the terraces. My next review comes from Pollok, my local team, and a very special limited edition steak pie.

So until next time, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink and The FBA’s as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ with a passion for food that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

Pie 104: The Neilston Pie

Posted on

I’m still powering through the Spanish classes at the moment so I’ve not had much time to let my meander too much but one thing I’ve still had time for is my football. Prior to this week’s match our group of merry men had set up camp in the local bowling club. Whilst supping a pre-match pint our conversation was halted by the unexpected sound of an elderly man gleefully ringing a bell.

It soon became apparent that the bell signalled the all important announcement of the pairings for that afternoons bowling session and so with the mystery solved we resumed our conversations, primarily focusing on how white all the participating bowlers jackets were only to be again interrupted. This time by a lady of later years who I can only assume took great pleasure in very sternly shushing our collective more aggressively than any person has done anything in their life ever. It was both comical and frightening but nonetheless effective as it brought instance silence and a clear understanding that you should never EVER mess with an old dear when it comes to her bowls. Needless to say 20 minutes later, and feeling like a group of naughty school children, we had finished our pints and it was off to the match we went.

So without much further ado, let’s rate some pie!

THE SURROUNDINGS

Where: Brig O’Lea Satdium, Neilston 1-8 Pollok, Sectional League Cup, Section 5

wpid-2015-08-24-19.50.49.jpg.jpeg

Price: At £1.20 this is a return to the average pricing of the 2014/15 season so nothing to really grumble about with that.

Presentation: Presented within an aluminium foil container (somewhat of a rarity at junior level) and with a medium-sized white napkin of sufficient size to prevent the foil melting into your hand and forming some kind of half man half meat robotic mandible that would protrude from the end of your arm.

THE PIE

Deep amongst the Renfrewshire hills there still are pies to be found...
Deep amongst the Renfrewshire hills there still are pies to be found…

Meatiness: This pie was huge and it was with some great relief that when I bit inside the pastry was not just a hollow shell but bursting to the seams with meaty goodness. The filling was sweet and spicy however the pepper kick wasn’t prevalent until the very end of consumption at which point there was some linger. Although the first bite was a little greasy, leaving that slightly unpleasant film on the lips that grease often does, the quality of this pie filling grew the further I munched my way through. There were some rumblings from others that I was being blinded by the (unusual for the juniors) ‘fancy’ tin foil casing but as an experienced pie connoisseur I can assure you that this was not the case, after a sluggish start on my palate this filling was very tasty indeed.

Pastry: The pastry was golden and crisp all round and did not fall victim to the soggy bottom that often befalls a tin foil encased pastry. It did become a little flimsy as you ate through but this can be attributed to the vastness of meat within and as such required one of my patented pie juggling techniques to consume successfully without spillage. The pastry was perhaps a little salty but other than that as pastry goes it was pretty sound.

Brown Sauce: HP in a squeezy bottle. How it should be at a football ground.

Overall: A big hunk of spicy sweet meat in a well-baked and sturdy pastry case that matured in flavour with every bite I took.

Gravy Factor: A hunk a hunk a tasty gravy!

Next time out will be a review from Ibrox and Meat Filled Pastries first ever ‘Seasonal’ Pie but until then go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink and The FBA’s as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ with a passion for food that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

Pie 101: The Cambuslang Rangers Pie

Posted on

“…and then in the distance I could hear the roll of a shutter, the chatter of a forming queue. As I turned my head I gazed at the pie hut beckoning me with all its meat and pastry glory. A culinary siren song wailing in my ears, my initial despair turning to joy as the first pie of the 2015/16 drew ever near. I took my first bite and lo’ it was good.”

Meat Filled Pastries is back!

Now I know last time out (after reaching the magical ton) I said that I was retiring from the pie reviewing game so that I could focus on writing a book. I had become a little jaded and felt like the time spent on the website and its associated projects was stopping me pursuing some other interests. However after a month without the pressure of pie and a bit of better planning on my part this year I find myself rejuvenated and once more ready to bring you the best sporting pies around.

I also started coming round to the idea that keeping the website going will actually help in putting the book together, giving an underlying theme to the story so far. It means it may take a bit longer than planned, but by putting in a long-term strategy I hope it’s going to turn out to be a good wee read. The pre-ambles this season will be replaced by excerpts/updates on the book, a promotion ahead of time kind of deal plus should help keep me in check when it comes to actually finishing it.

So without much further ado, and for the first time this season, let’s rate some pie!

THE SURROUNDINGS

Where: Somervell Park, Cambuslang Rangers 0-1 Irvine Victoria, Thomas Loach Memorial Trophy (a.k.a. Friendly)

wpid-2015-07-18-17.13.22.png.png

Price: It may be a new season but it’s nice to see that you can still get a meat filled treat in exchange for a solitary golden nugget. £1 for a hot lunch is a bargain no matter where you go.

Presentation: Continuing the renaissance theme, this pie was presented on a medium-sized white napkin with the added bonus of a second layer. I imagine this was a deliberate ploy by the purveyor of pie to help protect your (and his) hands from a pastry fresh from the oven.

THE PIE

It just felt so right to have a pie in my hand once again.
It just felt so right to have a pie in my hand once again.

Meatiness: This was a very moist pie, at first when I held it I was concerned it was going to be swimming in grease but thankfully that wasn’t the case. It had a sweet after taste that usually indicates a pie with a high onion content, although that wasn’t visibly present, and on this occasion there was no kick of pepper. The texture was a little disappointing as the filling quickly turned to mush once it had entered your mouth as opposed to holding together for a little while. Take some of the moisture out the centre and you have a decent little filling here.

Pastry: This is where I felt the pie let itself down a bit. On the face of it things were very good. It had nicely golden crispy top edges and the base was well cooked and remained intact throughout. The problem, oddly, was the sides where small patches of perfectly smooth and hard pastry were to be found leaving a weird feeling on your tongue. The best comparison I could give was that of an uncooked pork rind, it’s a shame as the rest of pastry was very good.

Brown Sauce: Tangy and Sweet. I recognised the large unbranded cylindrical bottle almost instantly as one of those often found in high street frozen food stores. Did the job. (Note: I don’t know if I’ll keep this section going forward, it’s a pretty hard thing to right about creatively).

Overall: Very moist, quite sweet with a well-baked pastry in parts. The texture though was a little bit odd both inside and out.

Gravy Factor: Whisk out the lumps from that thickening agent for a little bit longer and you could be on to something good.

S0 there we go. 101. I have no real targets from here on in other than getting the book done anything else that comes my way I’ll be sure to let you know.

Until next time, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink and The FBA’s as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ with a passion for food that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

Pie 99: The Hibernian Pie

Posted on

Hello and welcome to pie 99, The Hibernian Pie, on the home of all your Scottish football snack based needs Meat Filled Pastries. The 99th edition of this blog is brought to you by the Qatar Airways Cup as Scotland took part in one of the most insipid friendlies I’ve had the misfortune to attend. Not even the sight of a rotund individual channeling his inner Crazy in Love era Beyonce as he thrust his king prawn high (well not so high) into the Leith sky could stop this from feeling nothing more than a training exercise.

International friendlies are such a strange commodity in modern football. If put into a coaching context they are vital in preparing for competitive fixtures, especially at the end of a season where many of your squad have gone a few weeks without a game. As a football association they provide a much-needed boost to the coffers to help finances tick over during the summer whilst also providing the opportunity to build a new working relationship with associations across the globe, although why Scotland chose Qatar to do with this, only Stewart Reagan and his human ivory caviar spoon will only know. For fans though it often feels like a fixture too far, not so much when Scotland travel away where a friendly become an end of season jolly, but when you’re at home, to Qatar or a team of a similar ilk. The atmosphere was one of the strangest I had ever experienced, with the stands sounding like a crèche buzzing as it was with thousands of children not really paying any attention. A few slightly more inebriated members of the Tartan Army tried to rouse a song or two only to be met with apathy. It’s in this respect that the UEFA Nations League could very well be an innovation that prevents this malaise and lead to the banishment of the phrase ‘meaningless friendly’.

As it stood though any malaise I was experiencing was temporarily shaken off as I found a pie in my hand, so without much further ado let’s rate some pie!

THE SURROUNDINGS

Where: Easter Road, Scotland 1-0 Qatar, “Qatar Airways Cup” International Friendly

The Sunshine on Leith was shining straight into my eyes.
The Sunshine on Leith was shining straight into my eyes.

Price: At £2.30 this is at the very top end of the Scottish Scotch Pie Price Scale or the ‘Triple S Double P’ as I have just dubbed it. The equivalent of two junior scotch pies and of a similar price to those found at Hampden, Ibrox & Celtic Park. Pricey Pastry.

Presentation: Pretty standard presentational style here coming as it did in an aluminium tin with a medium-sized white napkin to mop your mouth and shelter your palms from the incinerator like heat that it is greeted you when the pie is placed in your possession.

THE PIE

Definitely feel liking my photography has got more imaginative as the 2014.15 season has come to an end.
Definitely feel liking my photography has got more imaginative as the 2014.15 season has come to an end.

Meatiness: After successfully avoiding dropping my pie following a totally unnecessary pyro and smoke show prior to kick off I was left with a pastry that was just a bit dull. Yes it had a peppery linger that should be present in a good scotch pie but it had all the quintessential hallmarks of a mass-produced pie. It was a tad grey in colour and lived short in the memory. As I finished it I had flashbacks of my time at the World Scotch Pie Championships Judging Day where an average scotch pie became a bad scotch pie the deeper into the competition I got.

Pastry: Safe. Golden. Perhaps a little soft and soggy bottomed due to the tin foil case it still held together just enough to make it a suitable bowl for the meat inside.

Brown Sauce: Much like the rest of this ‘big league’ pie it was a soulless small brown sachet.

Overall: It tasted like a pie, it had a peppery linger and it held together well but it left me cold come the end. Perhaps I’m being a little harsh but I have grown to view these mass-produced pies with a great degree of cynicism. When I eat these now I don’t feel the love of the butcher or baker, I taste the processing of the machines and the site of folk in white coats and hairnets are never far from my mind. I apologise to Hibernian for getting the brunt of this rant but it’s something that over this journey has niggled at me more and more.

Gravy Factor: Bog Standard Bisto.

So there you have it Pie 99, and to celebrate the penultimate entry into the Meat Filled Pastries Hall of Fame I have borrowed part of a little ditty from Mr. Jay Z:

If you’re having pie problems I feel bad for you son
I’ve had 99 pies but of fish I’ve had none

I’m on the pie patrol, high cholesterol
Pies that wanna make sure my casket’s closed
“Cardiac Arrythmia is a risk”, I know!
But I love food stupid what type of facts are those
If you grew up with football and a thirst for goals
You’d celebrate each minute with meat wrapped in dough
I’m a fair minded critic I’ll give anything a go,
If you don’t like meat pies you can press fast forward
Got beef not lamb then it’s steak that’s on show
A pie innuendo is always the way to go, ayyyoooo
Whether, moist or deep it’s easy being crass,
And here’s another one just for the lads…munchers
I don’t know what you rate your pastries as
or understand the intelligence that a butcher, baker has
Don’t forget the brown sauce, that’d be dumb
I’ve had 99 pies but of fish I’ve had none
Gravy!

99 Pies but of fish I’ve had none
If you’re having pie problems I feel bad for you son
I’ve had 99 pies but of fish I’d have none
Gravy!

I could have done the whole song but I don’t think anybody would have wanted that, I’ve just tested it though and it actually fits pretty well so by all means have at it! Anyway pie 100 is in my sights today and at that point the celebrations really can get started.

However, until next time, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink and The FBA’s as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ with a passion for food that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

Pie 97: The Cumbernauld United Pie

Posted on

Hello pie fans, how are you? This question is entirely rhetorical as I won’t be able to respond, well unless you get in contact and if you do go to such extremes then I will (because I’m sound like that) get back to you. Anyway as regular readers will know I came back from Canada a couple of weeks ago and it’s safe to say some of my joie de vivre seems to have got lost on the flight back over the Atlantic.

Lazy people would attribute it to the holiday blues but for me it’s been part of a far longer malaise that a holiday only managed to put a temporary pin in. I can’t really put a finger on what has been gnawing away at me. It could be the realisation that as weddings and baby announcements become more frequent that I am now a proper adult, a proper adult who turns 30 later this year but still has next to no idea what he really wants to do with his life. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of purpose at the moment, not in some morbid kind of way where I’m getting the rusty razor blades out whilst turning Alanis Morissette’s Greatest Hits up to 11 ( Writers Note 1: I’ve just had a wee search on Google to see if such a thing exists and it does so in case you’re interested you can purchase The Collection for £4.45 on Amazon). (Writers Note 2: How good is Spinal Tap? Seriously it’s just great).

No, it’s not that but I have always had this belief that I’m destined to do something great, something that will leave my mark on the world for centuries to come. As much as we all have a laugh about it, Meat Filled Pastries (whilst obviously being the greatest thing on the internet today) is probably not going to be my coup de grace but at the moment I’m getting, just a little bit, impatient as I try to get the casserole of nonsense that floats about in my head to form some kind of sensible conclusions. I’m sure I will, it’s just going to take some time.

Anyway, apologies for using these hallowed pages to have a bit of a moan but sometimes man cannot communicate in pie alone. Ah pie, the one meaty constant in my life and the reason why most of you will have skipped to this part of today’s pieatribe upon the realisation that is not a football based tale of humour and whimsy.

So without much further ado, let’s rate some pie!

THE SURROUNDINGS

Where: Guys Meadow, Cumbernauld United 0-4 Pollok, West Superleague First Division

I didn't stand behind the net all match, that would have been stupid!
I didn’t stand behind the net all match, that would have been stupid!

Price: £1.20 a diversion from the £1 offerings that have been gracing me these last few weeks. A 20% hike in price sounds whopping but in reality it”s only 20p and when you remember that for some pies at Hampden, the home of Scottish Football, they charge you up to £3.60 for a pastry then £1.20 isn’t all that bad really.

Presentation: Another paper plate and medium-sized white napkin offering here. Not quite sure why this has all of sudden sprung up as a key presentational technique towards the end of the season but it seems to be common none the less. This pie had the added bonus of being accompanied by a pint that you could quaff at your leisure during the game, which in Scottish football, is a very rare commodity indeed. It gets loads of extra points for that alone.

THE PIE

A Pie & A Pint and A Game of Football on a Sunny Spring Evening. Nice!
A Pie & A Pint and A Game of Football on a Sunny Spring Evening. Nice!

Meatiness: I know, I know. I need to calm down with the David Baileyesque attempts at pie based photography. I promise you that next time normal service will be resumed. Anyway, this was the first pie that I’ve had in a while that had a serious pepper kick to it, with a linger that lasted long into the night. The meat within was well-formed and suitably moist. That aside though I don’t really have much else to say to be honest, meat wise there was nothing wrong with it but it hasn’t lasted long in the memory.

Pastry: The pastry was slightly over-baked and being honest the top edges were burnt which gave the pie a slightly bitter and chalky finish. I try not to focus too much on the bake when reviewing pies at football grounds. It would be remiss of me not to pass comment as I believe all pies should be prepared with care and presented to fans in its optimum condition but I understand that sometimes a busy pie stall can result in the oven being left on a little bit longer than needed. If this pastry had been cooked to golden perfection I’m sure it would have been a suitably sturdy cup for its meaty contents as it was though, it was just a little bit frazzled.

Brown Sauce: In an opaque brown squeezy bottle this was a tangy version of this king of condiments.

Overall: The burnt pastry let it down a little but it was certainly a welcome return to the long peppery linger.

Gravy Factor: Peppery Bisto with a boozy finish.

Another pie down, a mere 3 steps away from the magic hundred, at which point the realities of writing a book about all of this will finally hit home. But before that pie 98 will be coming to you from Irvine Victoria in the Scottish Juniors. Remember to subscribe to the pie for all my latest meat filled coming and goings.

But until, next time, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink and The FBA’s as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ with a passion for food that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.