Non League Pies

Pie 151: The Cumnock “Steak & Haggis” Pie

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Hello pie fans and welcome to Meat Filled Pastries where 150 pies were clearly never going to be enough.

As the years have ticked by I’ve had to keep track of those venues where I’ve had a pie before. When pulling together the infographic for Pie 150 I noticed I had somehow managed to do not one but two reviews from Rossvale. A stat made even more befuddlingly when you consider that neither had came from their current home at Huntershill  and that I had also managed to squeeze in a bridie review from the same club. At least with the bridie it could stand alone as part of the extended Meat Filled Pastries family. With that in mind I arrived at Cumnock knowing that I had previously reviewed both the scotch and onion pies fairly early in my journey and so I anticipated my culinary peak from Townhead Park to be the drinking of the rarely found 60/- from the Ayrshire side’s rather good social club.

My assumption however was wrong because as I approached the pie stall to get involved with some “Nock Nosh” I was greeted by the geuninely excited chatter from my fellow match day munchers that there were two new types of pies to sample. In the least surprising revelation of this post one of these new breeds managed to fall lovingly into my palm and so, without much further ado, let’s rate some pie!

Where: Townhead Park, Cumnock 1-3 Pollok, Scottish Junior Cup 3rd Round Replay

Price: At £2 this was at the top end of the junior pricing spectrum but given that I was on a promise of both steak and haggis I was more than willing to let this pastry whisper sweet nothings on my taste buds before deciding if I was getting value for money.

Presentation: Despite its steaky nature this pie went old school, presented as it was on a single medium-sized (maybe evem large) white napkin. As consumption progressed this proved more than plenty.

Meatiness: On entry to this pie I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Should there be lots of gravy? Will this marriage of haggis and steak mingle into a meaty morsel that will make my mouth moist with its magic?

I’m happy to report that the filling of this pie was indeed a belter. At first my taste buds were hit with a smooth but spicy punch of haggis, a flavour that is instantly recognisable to the initiated but almost indescribable to those yet to experience the joy of an offal stuffed lamb’s stomach. Immediately I deduced that there was no gravy to be found but that was not an issue as the moistness provided by all those bits that North America continue to hide from were ample and slowly gave way to large chunks of well cooked and tender steak. This filling was getting “the nod”. That moment when your head, mind and taste buds come together in unison to proclaim that the symphony of flavours that you are experiencing are in fact very, very good.

Pastry: The pastry on this pie was also very near the top end. The sides and base were well cooked and held firm against the moist filling although they were perhaps a little peely wally in colour. There was some boil out, and whilst that is sniffed at by some, I always feel it adds some character to a pastry. A little imperfection to help make it feel special. The colour shone as you gazed at this  pie from above, the top formed as it was with a lovely golden disc of puff pastry that broke off into buttery flakes whilst the underside merged with the filling below. This pie was pulling out all the stops.

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Brown Sauce: I’m almost compelled to say that brown sauce may have ruined this pie, which is a very bold statement indeed.

Overall: Steak + Haggis + Good Pastry = Happy Pie Punter.

Gravy Factor: No Gravy. Just good, good times.

This was a wonderful pastry surprise to come across on a dreich Saturday afternoon and it’s equally wonderful to see lower league football clubs and their providers identify the opportunity to expand their range. I will maintain until my dying days that a “killer” pie will do as much good for a side as a decent cup run or title challenge ever will especially when performance on the pitch is infinitely harder to control.

Next up I continue my quest to champion the women’s game as I attend the Scottish Women’s Cup Final between Hibernian and Motherwell where perhaps surprisingly I embark on my first review from Firhill, home of hipster’s choice Partick Thistle.

However until then, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast and  The Football Pink as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. He currently acts as Heart & Hand Podcast’s resident Iberian football expert. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ and part-time Madrileno with a passion for food and football that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

 

 

 

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Pie 150: The BSC Glasgow Pie

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So here it is. Pie 150!

I thought about going through the key stats of this “achievement” but I’ve instead decided to let the numbers speak for themselves in the form of this snazzy little infographic.

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It’s worth pointing out that I’ve gone for the cheapest/most expensive since the start of 2018 to negate the effects of inflation etc. There has been cheaper, there has been more expensive (although none more expensive in Scotland than the pie highlighted above).

When I started this it was just a bet, a way to pass the time, but over the years it has become a useful tool not just for me, but hopefully for others too. It’s kept my writing eye in when the new ideas stopped flowing and it has led to me becoming a regular judge at not just one but two national baking and pie making competitions. I’ve got to meet and talk to new people whether it be in the game or across the industry and I’ve been able to do my bit to help raise the profile of clubs who don’t always get a shot of the limelight throughout Scottish football.

There has been times where I’ve needed a break. When I’ve been worn out by pie and being known as the “pie guy” has certainly had its pluses and minuses but all in all I enjoy this and any time somebody acknowledges it or boosts my ego with a little bit of praise it emboldens me to carry on, evolve and to continue to support those who are going about their own personal adventures where I can.

For Pie 150 I thought about being fancy, trying to go to some far-flung place to have the ultimate pie experience, but then I thought about it and realised that would be wrong. It would be against one of the core values that I attribute to this site, championing the unheralded and unglamorous in the hope that it encourages a few more fans to visit or it sticks a couple extra quid in the till when matchday hunger strikes. With that thought firmly embedded in my mind I layered up and headed to Alloa for some Friday night football action and to see BSC Glasgow take on Vale of Leithen in the Lowland League.

So without much further ado let’s rate some pie!

Where: Recreation Park (aka The Indodrill Stadium) BSC Glasgow 4-0 Vale of Leithen, Scottish Lowland League

Price: At £2 this is perhaps a little bit expensive given the level but from what I could make out this was a circumstance of the home side sharing their ground with Championship side Alloa Athletic. As a footnote it was such a tease to see the list of pies on offer when the Wasps were at home but to then know that they weren’t on offer here. The Black & Gold Pie in particular had my interest well and truly piqued.

Presentation: A fitting style for pie 150 as it was presented simply on a large plain white napkin. A bit of understated grandeur never goes a miss.

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Meatiness: This was a well filled pie although for me the texture was a little off. I think this was a result of the mixture being over worked prior to baking and perhaps the chosen bread based padding being a little too prominent in the mix. This led to a fairly solid block of meat that under the pressure of the bite also appeared to crumble quite quickly. The flavour was there though. It perhaps could have benefited from a bit more seasoning via a twist of salt and a crack of pepper but if you were blindfolded and asked to guess what you were eating you would know it as a scotch pie, something that time has shown me hasn’t always been the case.

Pastry: The pastry was interesting. It was fairly neat however did have a slight chew to it. On further review the base and sides in particular had a deep golden brown glow to them that made this pastry look fried as opposed to baked, most likely as a result of there being too much fat in the pastry dough causing a fry effect in the oven where the pie had tucked the baking tray. That said in the main it held together with only the last couple of bites requiring some nimble finger work to prevent spillage.

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Brown Sauce: Did the job that brown sauce should do. As the sauce was held in a mystery brown squeezy bottle the brand of this codiment seems destined to remain forever unknown.

Overall: It wasn’t perfect. The filling needed a boost and the pastry a little more work but overall the elements for a good scotch pie were there. With a little more love this could be very good.

Gravy Factor: It’s pie 150 and I’m feeling generous so let’s call it good gravy.

So that’s pie 150 in the books. I’m currently contemplating some re-reviews of the early pies but I’m also currently working on some other projects so will see what happens. This blog has always been about having a bit of fun and shining a light on the many wonderful football clubs across our fair land so as long as that’s still happening I’ll be happy.

One last thing before I finish. I just want to say thank you. Thank you to all of you who read, follow or ask me about my life of pie, without you this probably wouldn’t be half as much fun. I hope I can continue to keep you entertained but for now all that leaves me to say is…

Until next time, go forth and eat pie!

Peace and love.

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast and  The Football Pink as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. He currently acts as Heart & Hand Podcast’s resident Iberian football expert. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ and part-time Madrileno with a passion for food and football that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

Pie 148: The Kilwinning Rangers “Buffs” Pie

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Hello pie fans and welcome to another edition of your favourite (and not at all niche) Scotland based football pie review website, Meat Filled Pastries. This week’s review comes from Kilwininng Rangers in the form of the mysteriously named Buffs Pies.

Reviewing a mystery filled pie has come at quite the opportune time as this week I received my invite to once again form part of the judging panel at the World Scotch Pie Championships. A day where even I, a hardened pie muncher, long for a side salad and a pint of fruit smoothies. As always if you are a butcher or baker who makes meat filled pastries – and especially if you supply them to your local football club – then I encourage you to fire an entry in. The title of providing the best football pie in the land is one not to be sniffed at.

The question now though is whether or not The Buff’s Pie has the makings of a contender? Well there’s only one way to find out. So without much further ado let’s rate some pie!

Where: Abbey Park, Kilwinning Rangers 0-2 Pollok, West Premiership

Price: At £2.20 I’m almost certain that this was the most expensive junior pie I’ve ever purchased and with my curiosity already piqued by a name masking it’s content, my expectations continued to escalate given this high price point.

This pie, before I had even taken my first bite, was under a lot of pressure.

Presentation: This was a big unit and so I was surprised – but not disappointed – to see no tin foil case present for this pastry with its presentation being made simply on a large plain white napkin. This did add another level of intrigue though as with no concrete evidence of its contents present the pressure continued to build. Would the napkin be sufficient to keep the filling from spilling all over my arm on first bite? With anticipation, I lifted it towards my face.

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Meatiness: So what was behind this pie’s pastry curtains? Well the first bite was met with a burst of well seasoned and sufficiently viscous dark brown gravy with my teeth tearing through a medium-sized chunk of well cooked steak. So far, so steaky. I took another couple of bites, sometimes getting steak, sometimes just getting gravy, sometimes hoping for a wee bit more, before my palate was hit with a new taste sensation. Definitely meaty I pulled my head back a little and peered into this bakers cavern to see a couple of pink(ish) discs of sausage staring back at me. There was your point of differentiation, but yet, despite all these wonderful surprises, my initial reaction was that whilst this pie was good it wasn’t at the same level as The Troon: Steak Pie I had consumed a few weeks previously. I ploughed on though and as I continued to make my way through it its generosity of portion became apparent and the flavour layers started to build little by little. As I took my final bite I was happy to say that this filling was certainly something that I had enjoyed.

Pastry: As previously suggested there was a lot of pressure on the pastry here given the absence of the shiny safety sheath that often accompanies bigger pies but I’m pleased to report that it held really well. It had a sufficient golden tinge to the top although for me the puff pastry was a little too plentiful. That said, it’s plentifulness did lend itself to more of those wonderful moments where the component parts kissed to form that ever lovely symphony of gravy and pastry on the roof of the pie.

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Brown Sauce: On a Steak & Sausage Pie!? Are you condi-mental!?

Overall: At £2.20 and with a mystery name there was a lot of pressure on this pie to deliver and I’m pleased to report that it did. Whilst it might not be at the very top of the Meat Filled Pastry Pyramid it definitely deserves to be mentioned in the upper echelons.

Gravy Factor: The International Gravy of Mystery.

Got to love a dose of the ol’ mystery meat. I have not a clue where my next pie will be coming from. My basket is currently empty and the mid-week fixture list is beginning to look increasingly bare but have no fear as Pie 150 is not that far away and that of course will be monumental!

However until next time, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast and  The Football Pink as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. He currently acts as Heart & Hand Podcast’s resident Iberian football expert. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ and part-time Madrileno with a passion for food and football that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

Pie 145: The Easthouses Lily Pie

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Welcome to another meat filled adventure as we continue our journey into the heart of matchday cuisine. This time out we find ourselves in the land where the Borders and Lothians meet as Easthouses Lily take on Hawick Royal Albert in the newly formed EOSFL – Conference A. One of three leagues formed as a result of the great junior uprising that occurred in the summer of 2018. Don’t know anything about it? Then why not pre-order the latest issue of the The Football Pink (here) where I go into depth about the summer that was on the junior football scene in Scotland. It’s only £3 and there’s tons of other stuff too in this Brexit themed issue.

Also, rather excitingly, I now host a weekly podcast on the Heart & Hand Network looking at all things La Liga, this goes hand in hand (no pun intended) with my role as the Iberian Expert on the European Hangover and my weekly Iberian contributions to their website too, which – if you fancy it – you can find here.

This week I again take to the mic on the Nugent4Nil show with Robert Burns on Pulse FM where it will be the usual mix of pie and junior football based nonsense. If you want a listen you can tune in on Thursday night 7-8 using the old school wireless on 98.4FM if you’re in the region or online via the Pulse FM website if you live further afield.

Adding in the pie review you’re about to read, my desire to get a book done, get a regular La Liga feature column up, my weekly Infographics for Pollok, training for the Great Scottish Run and having a real job to deal with it’s all go at MFP Towers just now. Feels good but.

Anyway that’s all the shilling done for now, so without much further ado let’s rate some pie!

Where: Newbattle Complex, Easthouses Lily 1-0 Hawick Royal Albert, EOSFL – Conference A

 

Price: At £2 this could be viewed as tad on the dear side for a non league pastry however I have often said given that the provenance of the pie will be more traceable and the need for funds at this level more pressing an extra 20p or so isn’t really too much of a concern compared with some of the high priced atrocities that can be found in far bigger stadiums. Again a steak and scotch pie cost exactly the same here!

Presentation: Ever had a pie in a paper bowl? Well now I have. It looked great for framing a picture of the pie but is a little odd, small self service serviettes were available from the counter beside the pie stall and I did notice that later the bowls were replaced with paper plates. If this was an attempt to use up stuff they had lying around then I commend the intuition but I’d still say that a napkin is plenty.

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Meatiness: This was a tasty pie with a well textured meat filling. It didn’t have much of a pepper kick to it but had just enough spicing for it to pack some punch flavour wise. Absolutely nothing wrong with it but as you can see nothing to get overly verbose about either.

Pastry: The pastry held the meat well although was a little bit over on the bake meaning that the bottom was a tad chewy. There was some boil out present but personally, despite it being frowned upon at pie judging competitions, I like a bit of that as it often adds some character to the pie and sometimes a wee extra spike of something to the flavour.

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Brown Sauce: I think I got salt and sauce’d here as the brown sauce was a vinegary assault on my west coast tastebuds almost ruining the pie. In retrospect, given Easthouses location east of Edinburgh I should have used my noggin and perhaps given the sauce a miss here.

Overall: Decent pie, just watch out for that brown sauce.

Gravy Factor: Good Gravy.

One last thing before I wrap this review up and that’s a nod to the views from the far side of the Newbattle Complex ground out onto the Pentland Hills. Views like that are often the making of a lower league adventure and as the late summer sun came down it was hard not to find myself thinking that Scotland is awfy bonny sometimes. Next time up will be a review from Lesmahagow as they loooked to cause an upset in the Sectional League Cup.

However until next then, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast and  The Football Pink as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. He currently acts as Heart & Hand Podcast’s resident Iberian football expert. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ and part-time Madrileno with a passion for food and football that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

 

 

Pie 142: The Troon Steak Pie

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It’s pie time baby! Welcome to Meat Filled Pastries where once again I continue to get elbow deep in my search of the sweetest symphonies of meat and pastry the Scottish football world can offer. But first…

I’ve knowingly followed football for over 25 years. In that time social media and the way that fans interact with their clubs, players and fellow terrace dwellers has changed to an almost unrecognisable level. Whilst big clubs have had the “benefit” of national media coverage football down the leagues often relied on the support of the local paper, word of mouth or the odd post match conversation over a pint or two. Nowadays though clubs of all levels are in the search for greater reach latching onto anything that makes them stand out from the crowd and searching for ways to attract new followers at a time when the telly seems to rule all. Whilst Social Media Officers at “big” teams can themselves alone attract thousands of followers at the lower levels there is no media team. No budget for high-definition graphics and elaborate signing videos and in some cases no real expertise of any note to call upon, but you know what? The content still comes. The goal flashes, the signing news, the websites, the match day posters, the new logos it’s all there to see. All keeping people informed whilst maintaining thier clubs relevance in an ever smaller world. This work can sometimes be even better than those that earn a living from it and it should be commended. Whether it be keen fans who volunteer, students looking to hone their media craft or inwhatever form that the content is produced it’s it’s fair to say that the profile of these clubs would just not be the same.

It cheers me even more to see that in recent times clubs – with the budgets to do so – are now recognising these individuals with paid full-time opportunities. Most recently this was demonstrated at Dunfermline Athletic where long time Club Photographer Craig Brown has been rewarded with a permament contract to act as the club’s Media & PR Officer. Even more famously Alan Burrows has seen his role on a Saturday at Fir Park change from punter to Chief Executive a fanciful thought during the SPL years. Recognition is often hard to come by when the time spent goes unseen so I wanted to take this chance to say thank you to all those folk who make trying to understand what’s going on in the strange little world that is Scottish football just that bit easier.

I’d like to think that my pie reviews help to promote those clubs a little too and I always make sure to give a shout out to the teams I visit when spreading the good word. So let’s get to it, without much further ado, let’s rate some pie.

Where: Portland Park, Troon 1-1 Pollok, West Premiership

 

Price: At £2 my initial reaction was to say that this pie, even for a luxury offering, was expensively priced as a junior pastry but then it was presented to me and the volume of pie you got against the amount you had to spend had me thinking that this was a bit of a bargain.

Presentation: Has there been a special sale on coloured napkins this pre-season that I don’t know about? For the third review in a row my pie was presented on something other than a white coloured napkin. This time blue, in keeping with the home team colours. Good size for holding the pastry which on this occasion was housed inside a tinfoil case.

Meatiness: Jesus this was meaty. It was dense with meat and more than one chunk took a couple of bites to get through. This was the good stuff. The meat tearing forgivingly as I ate. There was also an ocean of well seasoned and highly flavoured gravy, wrapping itself lovingly around the mini steaks with its viscosity allowing it to kiss the sides and gently flow out its pastry tomb ready to awaken your tastebuds. There was the presence of pepper throughout each bite. Not a semi-acrid burn that can sometimes build whilst eating a scotch pie but a consistent, almost sweet, tingle that just added to the total flavour profile. This was good.

Pastry: The good news continued with the pastry. Although it was a little soft, no doubt as a result of the ample treasure it was concealing, there was no sticking to the tin foil case and falling apart as I lifted it. It was a lovely golden brown colour and although the top layer puff pastry disc was a little off centre this still felt like one of the neatest pies I’d seen in a long time.

Brown Sauce: I think it would have been near blasphemy to put a condiment on this bad boy.

Overall: Generous filling and size. Tasty meat, unctuous gravy, golden pastry. Belter of a pie!

Gravy Factor: Give me another ladle full.

An absolute triumph of a pie from Portland Park. I’ve not had one that good in a long time and I would recommend a trip to Troon just to eat it. Will the streak continue next time out with the intriguing sounding Bacon Mac & Cheese Pie from Ibrox?

Until then, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. He currently acts as Heart & Hand Podcast’s resident Iberian football expert. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ and part-time Madrileno with a passion for food and football that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

Pie 141: The Renfrew Pie

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Welcome to the latest edition of Meat Filled Pastries, Scotland’s only premier football pastry reviewing website. The season is now fully underway in Scotland and given the sun is still shining that little bit later I’ve been able to build up a bank of pastries for your perusal over the next few weeks.

But for now a question for your consideration. When do you have a pie?

Do you have it at the start to help soak up some pre-match beverages safe in the knowledge that you won’t miss any of the game or do you wait until half time and gamble on the queue going down quick enough so that you’re back in your spot before the action re-commences? Some, the most gambly of gamblers, will wait until after half time, avoiding the queues but also running the risk that there will be no pastries to be found.

Routines exist across the globe. When I lived in Spain I was often amazed about some aspects of a fans match day repertoire but perhaps none more so than the tradition of “El Bocata por el Descanso” – the sandwich for the break – where even the mere suggestion of eating your jamon or chorizo piece before the mid game interval would be met with utter contempt. However as soon as the referee has removed the whistle from his lips to signal the end of the first 45 minutes en masse the crowd will go into their polybags brought from home, unwrap the tinfoil and tuck into the sandwich of their choice, no doubt explaining during each chew how much of a “puta” the referee is because nothing excites a Spanish fan more than being antagonised by the arbitro’s performance.

For me, I prefer the before match approach, it almost always guarantees receipt of a pastry which is helpful when you run a website reviewing them and – on a Saturday at least – it will double as my first “meal” of the day. So on arrival at New Western Park, that’s exactly what I did.

Which means, without much further ado, let’s rate some pre-match pie!

Where: New Western Park, Renfrew 1-1 Pollok, West Premiership

Price: At £1.50 this pie was once again in the junior pie pricing sweet spot. As an aside, I noticed that the steak pie, usually deemed as luxury on these pages, was exactly the same price. Bargain.

Presentation: In a recent review of the Kelty Hearts pie I had commended the Fife club on their use of colour coordinated napkins. At Renfrew, who’s large napkin was of substantial size to hold and mop with, it was not blue or white (the team’s colours) but a bright sunflower yellow. Given the proximity of IKEA to this ground, would I be wrong to speculate on the influence the Swedes may have had here? Almost certainly but I’m doing it anyway. Good napkin though.

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Meatiness: This was a pie that, for me anyway, hit all the right notes. The meat was of the right texture with a nice moistness to the fill meaning that it both held together but also broke away quite easily. It was also very savoury with a slight pepper kick to it as you went through without the heat ever building to anything more than a hum. I thought it was pretty good.

Pastry: This pie had a smooth top with no steam hole present. The edge was crisp on top and the base solid. There were a few cracks in the side of the pastry bringing it’s overall structural integrity into question and the top was perhaps a little thick but in general I would say that it was more than satisfactory.

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Brown Sauce: After the Cumbernauld Colts debacle we returned to routine with a splash of brown sauce to help enhance those spiced meat flavours.

Overall: Tasty meat that I did find myself keen to take another bite of with pastry that did the job despite a couple of small flaws. Feels like a while since I’ve been able to review a good solid scotch pie, but I would say this was one.

Gravy Factor: Ahhh, Bisto.

So a decent effort from Renfrew and the junior pie adventures continue as next up we have a behemoth of a steak pie from Troon FC before something a bit different from the senior ranks.

Until next time though, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. He currently acts as Heart & Hand Podcast’s resident Iberian football expert. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ and part-time Madrileno with a passion for food and football that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.

 

Pie 140: The Cumbernauld Colts Pie

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Welcome to another edition of Meat Filled Pastries and my first foray into the Lowland League this season but before we get into that let’s talk about the Fringe. Edinburgh’s month-long festival of comedy, music, dance, arts, cinema etc. is not somewhere you would usually associate with the humble pie. I mean, there will almost certainly be a food stall or two offering you this meaty staple and the word pie itself is rife with the kind of innuendo that an easy joke is made for – I should know – but all in all, barring a rather grisly murder reference in the Shakespeare tragedy Titus Andronicus where two victims are baked into a pie, it isn’t necessarily renowned for its theatrical prowess. Enter The Pieman Cometh. A Scottish football comedy that I took a trip to see during the week.

It’s safe to say that I may have been one of the few people to fit into the middle part of their target audience Venn diagram, given my love for both football and pies, and if I didn’t know better then I would have thought this play had been wrote specifically with me in mind. Like most shows of which I have no prior knowledge of I went in with fairly low expectations but I am pleased to report this was actually pretty enjoyable. The story is an often told one around the pitfalls of football finance and for some it will be all to familiar. Although there was nothing overly ground-breaking the perspective and narrative were both good. Some of the characters especially the elderly fan were strong and in this instance particularly relatable. The jokes came round often enough to keep you going and although the ending felt a little abrupt I’d recommend it as a decent way to spend an hour in Edinburgh especially if you have a fondness for football.

Arts critique out the way let’s move on to some more familiar ground, and so without much further ado, let’s rate some pie!

Where: Broadwood Stadium, Cumbernauld Colts 3-2 Kelty Hearts, Lowland League

Price: A fairly substantial £2 for a scotch pie sees this pastry priced more at a Scottish Championship level. It’s also extremely prudent for me to mention that I had to wait until just before half time for my pastry which – given the Friday night kick off – was also doubling as my dinner. I also noticed that they ran out before the half time interval was over, always a bone of contention for football fans.

Presentation: Presented on a medium-sized, if perhaps a little thin, white napkin. Just enough to support the pastry during consumption and mop up your face afterwards.

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Meatiness: On first appearances I had my suspicions about where this pie came from, but what my meat filled trails have always taught me is always to take each pie on its individual merits. This pie was pretty good. The meat was well textured and had a good hit of pepper on the after bite. It was also the first pie in a very long time that had a little greasy dribble fall down my fingers. Not necessarily a bad thing, and in some ways it was weirdly nice to see the fat almost instantly harden in the ever Siberian-esque Broadwood conditions. It was perhaps a little flat in terms of quantity when checking the ratios against the pastry but all in all was tasty enough.

Pastry: This pie had a perfectly smooth top and the trim had earned itself a nice golden colour in the oven. Both the lid and base though were perhaps a bit too thick and as a result were slightly under done and a little bit doughy to the bite. It was however incredibly sturdy and I had little fears about losing and filling to the cold stone terracing below.

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Brown Sauce: Yes, the pictures don’t lie. There was no sauce options on offer here. I don’t think in over six years of reviewing pies this had ever happened before and I’d hope it doesn’t happen again.

Overall: This pie tasted pretty good but the pastry was a little thick and the lack of condiments and running out are both match day catering faux pas’. Having managed to get one though I was happy enough.

Gravy Factor: I missed my brown sauce.

So a decent pie with a few teething problems on review of the overall pastry eating experience. Next up a return to the juniors for the first day of the new West Premiership season and a review from Renfrew.

So until next time, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. He currently acts as Heart & Hand Podcast’s resident Iberian football expert. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ and part-time Madrileno with a passion for food and football that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.