Pie 139: The Kelty Hearts Pie

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Hello pie fans and welcome to another edition of Meat Filled Pastries home to all your football scran needs from Scotland and beyond. For this week’s review I headed east to Kelty in the Kingdom of Fife to see how the newly promoted Lowland League side are shaping up and to also get a look at how the club has transformed itself over the last couple of years since it’s decision to leave the junior ranks and seek pastures new in the Scottish senior football set up. I cover that very topic in the next edition of The Football Pink  (of course I’ll be punting that on you in the not too distant future) and so won’t dwell on it here but would like to take a few lines to share a couple of observations from my visit to New Central Park.

The first thing that strikes you is the – and I hate using this word in a football context – branding. You would have to be blind not to know that you were at the home of Kelty Hearts. Along with the name of the club and crest plastered on any free bit of space the ground itself is awash with support from local businesses. I go to a lot of lower league football and never has a ground looked more like a Mexican football shirt than the barriers and walls here. The final thing to notice, and you will notice it, is the construction of a new all-seater stand, replacing what was before a fairly small piece of covered terracing. The Kelty Hearts twitter feed shows the transformation in tweet form and the difference is clearly there to be seen. This is a team, that on the face of it, are going places.

Whilst I wish Kelty Hearts success on their new adventure, I of course am even more interested in is how good their pies are. So without much further ado, let’s rate some pies.

Where: New Central Park, Kelty Hearts 4-1 Brora Rangers, Friendly

Price: £1.50 for a scotch pie. This seems to have evolved into the pricing sweet spot for a top level non-league pie. Considering that in your local butcher these can retail from anywhere between 80p to a £1+ per pie it’s really not much to pay for a hot lunch.

Presentation: Going back to that branding for a second and the presence of a medium-sized napkin that was not white but maroon, just went to show the thought behind the Kelty project.


Meatiness: This pie was an interesting one. Focusing on the meat first and the initial taste was very good. A savoury hit of loosely textured meat with a subtlety of spicing that was all in all a very pleasant bite. As I continued to make my way through my 3pm lunchtime snack I noticed an ever growing build up of salt in each bite. At first the strength of this was fine – I’m OK with a generous flurry of salt usually – but the closer to the end of the pastry I got the more that slight hum turned into a crescendo that eventually drew most of the moisture out of my mouth leaving me to reach for a cold beverage. I’m almost certain that this wouldn’t have been the norm and more an over-zealous hand when making the filling. Sometimes you give a pie the benefit of the doubt, and on this occasion it seems the right thing to do as up until then we were on to a winner.


Pastry: The pastry was a lot darker than you would usually have on a scotch pie, not as a result of an overbake but of something else, that despite six seasons of doing this I am unsure of exactly what. It would be remiss of me not to mention that the pastry walls were lacking a little in structure almost splitting exactly into quarters meaning that a little juggling was required but it all tasted fairly good.

Brown Sauce: HP – best of gear.

Overall: Rein in the saltiness and sturdy up those walls and you have yourself a pretty decent wee pastry here.

Gravy Factor: Mibbe just a few granules too many.

So that’s the second review of the season in the bag. As every season goes by it becomes that little bit more difficult to find new pastries whilst also regularly following your own team especially when they become settled in a league so I’m toying with the idea of doing some re-visits of previously reviewed pies. Especially some of the earlier ones where the reviews were mere footnotes compared with some of the behemoths that now can occupy these pages. Hopefully though I can keep those new pies coming.

Until then though, go forth and eat pie!

Chris Marshall, is a BJTC accredited Radio Journalist with an honours degree in Communications & Mass Media from Glasgow Caledonian University. He has contributed to prominent football sites including Pie & Bovril, The Terrace Podcast, The Football Pink as well as featuring in The Scotsman, STV and a number of other media outlets. He currently acts as Heart & Hand Podcast’s resident Spanish football expert. A perennial ‘Scottish Sporting Optimist’ and part-time Madrileno with a passion for food that has manifest itself in the wonder that is Meat Filled Pastries.




One thought on “Pie 139: The Kelty Hearts Pie

    Pie 141: The Renfrew Pie « Meat Filled Pastries said:
    August 13, 2018 at 7:52 pm

    […] In a recent review of the Kelty Hearts pie I had commended the Fife club on their use of colour coordinated napkins. At Renfrew, […]

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